Sorry about the apparently suspenseful post last night.
What had happened is earlier yesterday freddy came around to try and cheer me up but when he left I just went straight back to being unhapy.
Let me try and explain the situation a bit better. Remember at the end of last year when I came down with an eating disorder and depression and how bad everything got for me. Well it seemed like I'd moved forward from that like everything was gonna get better like the world would be brighter yadda yadda yadda. Well a few months on it feels like I'm just falling back into my old self I have so many thoughts of self hatred and I just spiral into this depression and have panic attacks and yea.
So last night at about 11.28ish I think I was lying in bed just thinking and realised I do have a serious problem, like the depression forces me into self hatred and the self hatred makes me wann starve even kill myself and I just started crying, I texted freddy and he tried to help me through it and I texted sammie and she said when I'm better and have more energy we have to do something together, no excuses.
Its just I guess I can't help but feel like I've got no control over my life I mean I'm fat,ugly and have incredibly low self esteem and I just don't know what I can do about it.
So I hope that explains everything coz that's as best as I can put it.
You guys are great seriously xxo
[[I hate myself for hating myself.]]
About Me
- Christine Woodward
- I'm Christine, I have Facebook and Myspace. You can look that shit up, my full names there.
Sam
I Read These
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A final post11 years ago
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My heart surrenderd.15 years ago
4 opinions:
Okay so...
I'm so sorry that this is happening all over again. I don't know if it's helpful for you to know, but something sort of similar to what you're going through happened to me, a fair while ago. And I know how horrible it is to feel, and it really upsets and angers me to know that you feel that way, because you're such an awesome person and you don't deserve it. Not in the least.
Please listen to me when I say this (or read it, whatever): You are, in no way WHATSOEVER, fat, ugly, or anything like that. And I know that you probably won't believe me, because if you still think that after soooo many people must have told you otherwise, I don't know why me saying it would be different, but I'm telling you anyway. You are so beautiful, Christine, and don't, for ONE minute, think otherwise, because it's a lie!
If you hate yourself, for any reason, because of how you look, you shouldn't. Okay, honestly, go to all of your friends and ask them what they think of how you look.
Do you remember when you got all those text messages saying you were beautiful? And when those guys were bothering you when you were trying to walk places?
When I was commenting your myspace pics, I saw how many people think exactly the same thing. You should try reading those comments. They're not lies. :]
Please, don't hate yourself. You are such a great person, you truly are.
I have to go, but I hope I made my point. :S
Feel better...
<3 <3 <3
~Sammy
Babe!:o <3 im so sorry you're lapsing back into it. i know how you feel in both ways. its like you've really beaten it and everythings getting better then one little thing, a tiny thought in the back of your mind, or something small someone says sets you back a mile and you're back to that weak person who has no control over themself. well, thats what it is for me. dont let yourself be put down by those thoughts because they are in no way true - you are absoloutley stunning and are in no way fat. youve come past this before right? so you know you'll be able to get out the other side! you've got amazing friends, a boyfriend who absoloutley adores you and goodness knows what else good in your life! you've got it good! whatevers bringing you down, dont put it outta your mind - shove it out of there all together! youre an amazing person. dont be a victim to this - you're too amazing.
loveyoulots.
sorry if i was no help.
xx
xo hi hi xo
I know what you mean about low self esteem. Im trying to get over that too.
Lets work together!
First I will name all your awesome qualities :)
• you're unbelievebly pretty
• you are in GREAT shape and are NOT fat at all.
• you can come up with the most creative and sometimes random ideas and that's genius
• you know how to take care of yourself
• you're smart
• you're funny
• did I mention pretty?
• you're caring
• you're a GREAT friend, even through the computer :)
See? YOU'RE AWESOME!!!! I can't think of one bad thing about you! So you have no reason to hate yourself. Seriously. I have hated miiself too, but it's just a one time thing. You guys always make me feel better even when Im at mii crappiest. And because of you guyses help, I've learned how lucky I am and just to not care what enyone said. I stepped back and saw mii life at every angle. I suggest you do the same.
Oh and if you didn't catech the point,,,,,
YOU
ARE
AWESOME
BEAUTIFUL
SMART
FUNNY
CARING
CREATIVE
GENIUS
How else could you be awesome? You're as awesome as it gets, christine.
Feel better! :))))
xo bi bi xo
Christine.
Girrllllll, I don't even know what to say. Except that I don't see why you are feeling this way when it comes to your appearance. Trust me, I've seen your pictures. You are beautiful and fit and I wish I were more like you!
You have a great honest personality that will always shine through and if people have a problem with them then who effing cares.
Like Sammy said, I'm sure you've heard all this from everyone else, but I really hope my words can make some sort of difference.
You are such an amazing girl. You've been so loyal to me when I can barely ever comment you, therefor you are a great friend. You have great friends. Your blog is so great and interesting to read, I love the way how you write it differently than everyone else. I'm sure you ae a grea dancer or gymnast or whatever it is exactly.
Don't hate yourself Christine, otherwise I don't know why I should even like myself. I mean if you have all these amazing qualities and aren't happy, what makes me deserve to be happy?
I hope I helped. Your beautiful. You're so slim. Don't forget that. And don't compare yourself. Your friends are your friends, they are completely different from you in their body shape and metabolism and all that crap. Love you for you. Thats all that will matter in the end.
ILYSFM[its true,]
t a y l o r
P.S. Just to make one final comment, don't feel like your alone when you feel ugly and fat at all. I always am trying to make myself look better, even if I'm home all alone and going nowhere, just because if I know I don't look okay my confidence will be shot next time I look into a mirror. Another tip, don't weigh yourself. I stopped doing that a long time ago. I mean ure, they need to when you go to the doctor and stuff, but don't monitor your weight when you are at home. When I did that I would always end up comparing myself to my friends and that is something I never want to do again. I feel so much better now that I don't do that anymore. Well, I have to go eat dinner.. my mom is getting crabby. I really hope I helped. I really do =D
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