So Real

8 opinions:

Anonymous said...

Um, Christine...
I just don't know where to start. Okay, let's see. I think you've been focusing on all the negative things. When you are with him you think he's getting too clingy and when he's not with you, you'll say he's "not even trying" or "can't be arsed". It seems to me you're making this more difficult for him by sending out mixed signals.

The text could be read that way--that he's blaming it all on you-- but to me it says that he's telling you exactly what he feels by the way you're treating him. He's reacting to your actions: you think "too clingy"--> you push him away--> he starts pulling away on his own--> you think he's not trying. It doesn't mean that he's not trying, he's merely trying to give you what he thinks you want.

But the text was actually very beautiful. First (and this is very important), because the guy sounded sincere. "I don't have any idea what's wrong," he texts.
So, he knows something is wrong and he'd like to fix it, but it's difficult. And the last paragraph would just about melt any girl. Remember back when you first met him? How would you have felt if he'd said this to you? When he would tell you in the beginning "I love you"... This is the same guy, no?

Anyways, I really do hope you guys can work it out. But I'm pretty sure that if you don't want to lose him you'll have to gather up the courage to go up to him and talk it out. Probably apologize, too, but only if you really mean it. It'd probably be best to take some time to work your feelings out and make sure you won't get angry while you're talking to him--that will not help anyone at all.

It seems so worth it to at least try.

I was also wondering if (and this is sorta hard for me to say) your medications might have some side effects that make you irritable? Or maybe your leg and pain problems are causing you to push people away? Oi, I don't mean to sound like a therapist...it's just, I really was wondering.

And I'm so sorry about the physical pain you've been feeling. Really do hope it gets better and that tomorrow finds you in a better state. Even though I don't know you that well, I also love you. Thanks for sharing with us.

Saturday, January 03, 2009 12:45:00 am

ni said...

I was going to do a whole play by play of what I thought, but then I read Sarah Dee's comment and she pretty much said it better than me...though mine wasn't that complicated and all I was really going to say was the bit about the text being beautiful. I didn't really think about the other things, not even the medication or whatever :|


I hope you feel better soon honey!
Love you xoxox

Saturday, January 03, 2009 5:09:00 am

Anonymous said...

hello, in case you for some reason do not check your mail anymore, I have sent you an e-mail with my opinion. Did not wish to make a commotion on here or anything.

Thought it would be best there, just for precaution.

Oh and by the way nia, thank you so very much for that post on my comment. Very much appreciated.

back to you christine, I sent it to one that starts with aa and is a hotmail account.
Just to let you know.

~A Helping Hand

Saturday, January 03, 2009 5:45:00 am

mia said...

Sorry I haven't been commenting lately!
Stupid Blogger didn't show that you updated on the side bar thingy on my blog.

Anyways, I'm really sorry you're having problems with Adam.
I also thought that text was really cute.
But I understand that you don't like the clingy-ness.
I really don't know what to tell you.. I guess you two should talk about this.
I agree with Sarah Dee; from an outside perspective, your relationship with him seems worth it.

I hope it all works out
& I hope your 2009 is amazing!
xoxox

Saturday, January 03, 2009 6:18:00 am

Marri said...

Yeah, Sarah Dee pretty much summed it up.

Really, the best thing to do is just meet him in person, and try to talk to him. He can't not talk to you if you're therre, right?

Explain to him that sometimes he seems to clingy to you and other times you're not feeling well and he doesnt listen when you tell him. That kind of stuff. Maybe you are a bit irritable because when I'm in pain/ill Im a HUGE bitch. SO just explain everything and get it all out.

And the text sounds sweet to me. :)

I hope you guys get everything sorted out because I can tell he loves you.

and i love you too! :D

Saturday, January 03, 2009 9:43:00 am

Anonymous said...

Sucks that you're not feeling well, if i knew a spell to make allllllllllllll your pain go away, i would preform it in a heart beat ;)

i really don't know what to tell you about Adam, seeing as, I'm not really in a place to give relationship advice. I hope everything turns out the way you want it to.

Now that i can finally read your blog be expecting more comments coming from me :)

Love you,
Winter !

Saturday, January 03, 2009 9:59:00 am

lanna-lovely said...

First thing, ask yourself one question - do you want things to end with him?

If you do, then don't draw it out any longer cause it's clearly just hurting both of you.

If you want to stay with him, then I'd say just take the higher ground - even when he's being childish and ignoring you, don't react the same way back, just be mature about it... tell him you're tired of things being like this and that you want to talk things over and explain things but you can't do that if he won't talk to you and if he doesn't listen well then at least you tried.

With the text he sent... it could read like he's blaming it all on you, but I don't think he is really -- I think he was just trying to tell you how he feels, that he loves you and doesn't want to lose you but he doesn't know what he's done wrong or whatever. Him not talking to you is probably because he doesn't want to get into a fight with you or anything like that.

It kind of just seems like you both want to fix things but you're not sure how so he's ignoring you (could be because he's worried what you'll say) and you're taking that to mean he doesn't want to talk. :o/

If your relationship is worth fighting for then talk to him and make him listen. :)

Hope things work out for you.

Oh God, I just burst out laughing at my word verification "speecup"... sounds like "speak up". I think that's a sign. I print screened it :)

<3

Saturday, January 03, 2009 10:42:00 am

Anonymous said...

Hello,
anonymous here. I just wish to try and help you out seeing as how you asked for that, advice and opinions. I do not mean to be a pain in the butt or to cause you any trouble what so ever, but the complete opposite. This is meant in the nicest way possible, just lending a hand where I can to help you with the problems you face. So here goes my ‘help’...

Beginning with the text, Adam mentioned how when he used to talk to you, you would snap at him. I do not know if you really snapped, but surely he got a feeling that is different from how your usual self is, therefore you must have changed the way you act with him one way or another. He then spoke of how when he doesn't talk you also get mad because of that. I thought that I might tell you something I am sure you knew, but just to make sure we are on the same “trying to solve the problems” page. The message you were sending him before was for him to back away for a while, that you needed your personal space.
In previous pots you mentioned how you hated how clingy he had become and how he would text you at every moment. Now that he is not talking to you (since he is afraid of how you might snap at him for being there), I am guessing his presence and 'clingy' conversations are sorely missed.
You have to give the guy a chance. Do not, PLEASE BEGGING YOU, do the box thing at his door step. Why, you ask?
First of all, he is trying. He is trying, though surely sucking at it since men live on a different frequency, to understand and figure out why it is that you have been mad with him lately. He did not do the right thing and talk to you about it, that I see, but he is just afraid of making you mad again. He prefers you being mad at him through text, rather than you mad at him when you are in person.
Second, you must/should first try to solve your problem before you make that decision. You do not want to regret that decision later on and feel guilty for breaking it off too quickly.

Maybe, because I see it from another point in between both of you, I can see what might be parts of the big problem.
Never blame yourself completely when a relationship goes wrong, it will only make you feel worse and wish to end it faster so you stop being the one to blame.

How about you try one more time, please?
Call him, do not text him or e-mail him or send him a messenger. This is a face to face or at least voiced matter.
Two options are on the table; you can either show up at his place randomly, though he might be busy or not yet up to talking because he is still thinking, or you can call him but not to fight or ask what is wrong and why he has been how he has been. If you do pick showing up at his place randomly, you must be warned that if he says he is not ready to talk yet then it is not uncalled for, you should first make sure he is ready to talk about it. You must understand that now he needs some time too, for his own.

The other option is that you call him. Think about what you plan on telling him before you call and make sure you do not express anything you will later regret. How about you tell him you guys should talk? If I were him though, I might worry that by “we need to talk” you actually mean “I might be breaking up with you sometime extremely soon,” so to not put him through that agonizing day of wondering if you really do plan on breaking up with him, you may relieve his head a little by telling him it has nothing to do with breaking up, unless that is 100% what you plan on doing. If it your decision has not yet been made, and you are still wondering if you should or shouldn’t break up with him, then tell him it is to explain to him what has been bugging you these past few days, or is it weeks? Is that not a good plan?

If you do not understand why I say that then look at it like this. When I say look at it like this though, I mean put yourself really truly in the scenario I am about to describe to you. Remind yourself this is to help you, whenever you think this post is too long. Here goes, are you fully in there? Good…
Blank person= BP
You are madly in love with ____ (fill in the blank with whomever you wish), and blank person and you have been having a rocky state lately, hitting some bumps in the road. Now you have been racking your brain trying to figure out what is wrong because at first you tried to spend as much time with BP because you love them and you actually wanted to know why they were gloomy. Important point to make, you do not know BP is mad at you because they have not told you so, they have not spoken to you about how they need some space every once in a while, so you are being the good girlfriend and trying to be there and comfort BP as much as you can. All you know is BP is mad at something and you are trying to be there for them, how you usually do, but BP is not reacting well to that.
With time, you realize that BP might actually be mad at you, and I am sure you have more than an inkling seeing as how every time you speak it’s as if BP's little brother/sister were talking to them from how irritated they seem to be as soon as you even open your mouth. The thought occurs to you that, “maybe I have done something wrong…” Intrigued, you want to find out what but you also do not wish to bother BP anymore, so what do you do? Keep to yourself and you begin thinking of all the possibilities. It has been some days since you stopped really talking to BP, and all of a sudden you start noticing that BP is mad again, but you still do not know why, you do not know that it is actually because BP is mad that you have not spoken to them because you thought that is what BP wanted.
How would you feel? Terrible I bet, if you love that person. So moving on to the next part, you wake up one morning and are feeling pretty down because BP is being extremely weird and you want to fix it but have no idea why (because when you guys talk it sucks butt and when you don’t it sucks just as badly). You make yourself some breakfast, get ready for school and as you open the door you stumble upon a box full of little gifts that you gave BP throughout your whole relationship and probably some from before, while dating. In tears, because it is a sentimental moment, you rush into your room and wonder why BP has broken up with you.
Do you think it would be fair to do that to you? Now think of you as Adam, and BP as you. I am sorry to have to put it like this, but if you really put yourself in the situation I just described you might have gotten something from it.
Now I leave you this in your e-mail box because I do not wish to cause a commotion with the other girls that comment.
From how I see it, you have two options. The first is to break it off and the second is to call him up and ask to meet somewhere, and then try and talk out the problems.
I truly hope this has helped you, if even in the least bit. Replies are more than welcomed, if you ever wish to tell me what you thought of the comment. I shall continue reading your blog, if you permit me to do so.
Hopefully, your leg pain will decrease some and you will be able to take advantage of these last few days of vacation, if you have any. New Years was something, don’t you think? They had a lot of fireworks over here. Anything special done over there or is it just another night?
Well, I hope you are able to figure out what you truly want and able to deal with it in a good way, so that Adam can also understand you and how you are feeling.
Have a good week dear, may it hold some better days for you.

~A Helping Hand

**seeing as how you have not answered my e-mail and I am inpatient as ever, I decided to put it here. Make sure you do indeed get my message. Hopefully you will not mind it.

Monday, January 05, 2009 6:46:00 am

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